Catching a break.
Remember this?
It felt like I was drowning in the ‘busy’ness of life. Of work and blog, and kids and work school and work and friends and a house and activities and WORK. I was treading water desperately trying to keep my head above the waves. I wanted it all, every bit of it. But the current of life was too strong and I was getting dragged under. I wasnt living, I was surviving. I wanted to swim. To catch my breath. To move forward.
It would have been easier to just accept the situation. To let the tide take me where it pleased. I dont like change. But I wasnt happy. I was in the middle of a storm and felt pushed and pulled in every direction. I couldnt sleep. I was tired of trying desperately to keep up. Simply exhausted. And then right there in the midst of the storm, in the darkness, a boat appeared. A break in the weather. A light of opportunity. A chance to stop treading water and instead set sail in a new direction.
It was up to ME to set a new course, not my circumstances or the tide. So I climbed upon the boat and took leave from work. On Friday it was official as I emptied my classroom and filled my home with books and papers and things and worries. I literally felt myself breathe again. I had no idea how good that feeling would be until it happened. Instantly the heaviness washed away. I had to give something away to really have everything.
So I am now officially a stay at home Mum, for the first time because I chose to be, not because I am on maternity leave. It’s a new boat but I am ready to search for those new horizons. I am setting my own course, taking in this amazing view and breathing, just breathing.