Stuck in the middle with you.
You can’t help but get a little reflective this time of year. Lately I have been thinking about this new stage of life I am entering. Gone are the trying to conceive, pregnant, newborn days but the days of working outside the home are also on hiatus. Instead I am somewhere in the middle. Kind of a little stuck, maybe a tad lost but at the same time a whole heap excited about what is to come.
I never gave much thought to how many children I wanted. It was always many, but no finite number. Part of me will always wonder if things had of been different would I have had more? But making babies and carrying babies has gradually gotten more difficult for this old duck and as much as my heart wonders, my body and head tell me we are done.
I can’t remember a time before wanting a baby. Being a mother is all I ever really wanted and now that part of my life is fulfilled. Now what? In 2015 my two oldest will be at school 5 days a week. A bit over a year ago the thought of that was enough to yearn for another baby. Now that baby is here and growing fast, the yearning is not gone but replaced. I find myself selfishly yearning for something for myself. To further my education, to spend time with friends, to take care of my health and wellbeing.
I spent a good proportion of 2013, in the pits of morning sickness hell. I have never been so stressed and miserable. So miserable that even now I get anxious over the thought of being sick. 2014 was spent being heavily pregnant, giving birth and then the haze of newborn days. I have a knack for creating gorgeously happy babies that don’t like to sleep. So 2015 I hereby declare as a time to get my groove back. To find ME again. To sparkle.
To carve out time for ENJOYING life not ENDURING it.
To make myself HAPPY and HEALTHY.
To treasure the MOMENT and not the MEMORY.
Get better control over MONEY and not let it control ME.
I have plans for girls nights and family holidays and date nights. For more study and reading and writing. To get healthier and look after myself and prioritise my own well being. To find time to do the things I love like organising, planning and creating a beautiful home. To spend quality time with the kids EVERY day that does not involve nagging or ordering.
How will I do all of this? Well thats where you will come in. This blog has always made me more accountable. Somehow if its in writing it’s more likely to happen. To have time for myself will not be easy. I will need to be super organised. But there is no time like now. It’s time to get unstuck, start moving forward and embrace this new chapter of life.
