A Whispering Heart

Posted On August 16, 2012

I have a recurring dream that I am driving a car that is careering down a hill and the brakes won’t work.  My foot is heavy on the floor,  and my hand is pulling at the hand break.  My fingers are fiddling for the keys, as magically if I turn the ignition off, the car will stop.   But the car just speeds up.  My stomach is lurching, like the feeling when you swing too high in the air. I wake up with nervous knots and a sweaty forehead, my body is frozen. I am a practical person. Logical. Positive. I know it’s not real, but I believe that your dreams tell you something.  

Life is flashing before my eyes.  Time is hurtling by and I just can’t seem to keep up. Maybe my pre children motherhood daydreams were more fantasy than reality but I can’t shake the feeling that this is not how life is meant to be.  I feel rushed, stressed and constantly juggling.  I know, I know life as a mother is one big juggling act but this life has become a circus.   There are just too many balls in the air and not enough hands or coordination to catch them.  Kids, Marriage, House, School, Kids Activities, Kids School, Kids Social Lives, Blogging, Work, Friends, Family, Life.

 

I am exhausted just thinking about it. In fact that’s how I feel most of the time. Exhausted.  Shouldn’t I be enjoying this?

Little Miss A only has one year left at home before starting Kindergarten. One year.  I have been there before and I know for certain that I will blink my eyes and be packing her school bag.  She is our last “baby”.  I can’t waste another minute.  The time is NOW. So we are making changes.  Big changes.  We are listing priorities in our lives.  Talking about the BIG stuff not just the everyday.  How long has it been since we REALLY looked at our lives?

Where do we want to be in ten years? What do we need to do to live our dream life?